Anand Karaj - the wedding of Sri Guru Nanak Dev Ji

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh.

This Sunday marks the 531^st anniversary of the marriage of Guru Nanak Dev Ji Maharaj. Therefore, this week’s blog will cover the wedding ceremony of our first Guru and the wedding ceremony that we have set in place today by Guru Ramdas Ji.

When Guru Nanak Dev Ji had reached the age of 18 his father, Mehta Kalu Ji, had decided it was the right time to get him married to the daughter of Mool Chand, known as Sulakhni, from Batala in Gurdaspur. Mehta Kalu Ji visited a Brahmin to fix the date, but Guru Nanak rejected this as there is no such thing as an ‘auspicious’ date, however even now we see some Sikhs who follow horoscopes and get their wedding dates fixed by a pandit. Mool Chand then arranged for the Brahmin priests to dictate the marriage rituals to be followed.

When the wedding day finally came, Guru Nanak Dev Ji, to the shock of the families, announced that He would not get married by going around a fire 7 times, because this ritual means nothing. This is similar to when Guru Ji refused to wear the ‘sacred’ thread as a child because his sister could not wear it and this ritual does not bring inner purity. It is said that Guru Ji instead wrote Ik Oangkaar on a piece of paper and got married by going around this bani 4 times. This is a metaphor how nowadays gurbani should be the centre of our life.

After the ceremony, due to the embarrassment of the bride’s family by Guru Nanak’s controversial actions, it is said that the family tried to murder Guru Nanak by having a wall collapse on them because they did not want Sulakhni to marry such a madman. Little did they know that Guru Ji was mad for the love of Waheguru. When Guru Sahib was lying down taking shade from the wall, the family ahad weakened the wall to the point of collapse. A lady who was passing by quickly notified Guru Ji that the wall is about to fall on them! Guru Ji laughed and said calmly that this wall will be preserved for centuries. Due to their sheer faith in Waheguru, this bachan became true and that wall still stands today at Gurdwara Kand Sahib and a celebration is held there every year on the anniversary of Guru Nanak's marriage. It is recorded that Guru Nanak was seen uttering some prayer during the 4 rounds but they were never noted down, but it can be assumed that they may be in similar nature to the lavaan written by Guru Ramdaas Ji Maharaj.

(note: in some versions of the story, the family does not try to murder Guru Nanak and the wall was seen to be on the point of falling by itself)

Anand Kaaraj – Nowadays

Following the life of Guru Nanak, the Sikhs used to get married by fire until a proper system was introduced by Guru Ramdaas Ji when they composed the bani known as the lavaan. Nowadays we are also blessed enough to get married around the Guru in the form of Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji Maharaj. Gursikhs of the time could have been getting married around Gurbani Pothis or Aadi Granth Sahib following the life of Guru Arjun Dev Ji Maharaj.

These are all 4 verses of the Laavan shabad which are sung at every Sikh wedding ceremony and their individual meanings summarised:

(Ang 773 of Guru Granth Sahib Ji)

 

First Laav:

ਸੂਹੀ ਮਹਲਾ ੪ ॥

Soohee, Fourth Mehl:

ਹਰਿ ਪਹਿਲੜੀ ਲਾਵ ਪਰਵਿਰਤੀ ਕਰਮ ਦ੍ਰਿੜਾਇਆ ਬਲਿ ਰਾਮ ਜੀਉ ॥ 
In the first round of the marriage ceremony, the Lord sets out His Instructions for performing the daily duties of married life. 

ਬਾਣੀ ਬ੍ਰਹਮਾ ਵੇਦੁ ਧਰਮੁ ਦ੍ਰਿੜਹੁ ਪਾਪ ਤਜਾਇਆ ਬਲਿ ਰਾਮ ਜੀਉ ॥ 
Instead of the hymns of the Vedas to Brahma, embrace the righteous conduct of Dharma, and renounce sinful actions. 

ਧਰਮੁ ਦ੍ਰਿੜਹੁ ਹਰਿ ਨਾਮੁ ਧਿਆਵਹੁ ਸਿਮ੍ਰਿਤਿ ਨਾਮੁ ਦ੍ਰਿੜਾਇਆ ॥ 
Meditate on the Lord's Name; embrace and enshrine the contemplative remembrance of the Naam. 

ਸਤਿਗੁਰੁ ਗੁਰੁ ਪੂਰਾ ਆਰਾਧਹੁ ਸਭਿ ਕਿਲਵਿਖ ਪਾਪ ਗਵਾਇਆ ॥ 
Worship and adore the Guru, the Perfect True Guru, and all your sins shall be dispelled. 

ਸਹਜ ਅਨੰਦੁ ਹੋਆ ਵਡਭਾਗੀ ਮਨਿ ਹਰਿ ਹਰਿ ਮੀਠਾ ਲਾਇਆ ॥ 
By great good fortune, celestial bliss is attained, and the Lord, Har, Har, seems sweet to the mind. 

ਜਨੁ ਕਹੈ ਨਾਨਕੁ ਲਾਵ ਪਹਿਲੀ ਆਰੰਭੁ ਕਾਜੁ ਰਚਾਇਆ ॥੧॥ 
Servant Nanak proclaims that, in this, the first round of the marriage ceremony, the marriage ceremony has begun. ((1))

Summary First Round

§  Commit to righteousness. Always be Truthful and tread the path of Dharma

§  Renounce sinful actions. Never consider treading on the path of falsehood and deception.

§  Remember, meditate and embrace God and recite His Naam.

§  Only by good fortune, is real peace obtained and Lord seems sweet to the mind.

§  Worship the one Waheguru and all your sins will vanish.

§  With these principles on-board, together you begin the first stage of marriage.

Second Laav:

ਹਰਿ ਦੂਜੜੀ ਲਾਵ ਸਤਿਗੁਰੁ ਪੁਰਖੁ ਮਿਲਾਇਆ ਬਲਿ ਰਾਮ ਜੀਉ ॥
In the second round of the marriage ceremony, the Lord leads you to meet the True Guru, the Primal Being. 

ਨਿਰਭਉ ਭੈ ਮਨੁ ਹੋਇ ਹਉਮੈ ਮੈਲੁ ਗਵਾਇਆ ਬਲਿ ਰਾਮ ਜੀਉ ॥ 
With the Fear of God, the Fearless Lord in the mind, the filth of egotism is eradicated. 

ਨਿਰਮਲੁ ਭਉ ਪਾਇਆ ਹਰਿ ਗੁਣ ਗਾਇਆ ਹਰਿ ਵੇਖੈ ਰਾਮੁ ਹਦੂਰੇ ॥ 
In the Fear of God, the Immaculate Lord, sing the Glorious Praises of the Lord, and behold the Lord's Presence before you. 

ਹਰਿ ਆਤਮ ਰਾਮੁ ਪਸਾਰਿਆ ਸੁਆਮੀ ਸਰਬ ਰਹਿਆ ਭਰਪੂਰੇ ॥ 
The Lord, the Supreme Soul, is the Lord and Master of the Universe; He is pervading and permeating everywhere, fully filling all spaces. 

ਅੰਤਰਿ ਬਾਹਰਿ ਹਰਿ ਪ੍ਰਭੁ ਏਕੋ ਮਿਲਿ ਹਰਿ ਜਨ ਮੰਗਲ ਗਾਏ ॥ 
Deep within, and outside as well, there is only the One Lord God. Meeting together, the humble servants of the Lord sing the songs of joy. 

ਜਨ ਨਾਨਕ ਦੂਜੀ ਲਾਵ ਚਲਾਈ ਅਨਹਦ ਸਬਦ ਵਜਾਏ ॥੨॥ 
Servant Nanak proclaims that, in this, the second round of the marriage ceremony, the unstruck sound current of the Shabad resounds. ((2))

Summary Second Round

In the second round, the Guru asks the partners to advance further towards meeting the True Guru - God, the spiritual destiny of all humans:

§  The Guru leads you to meet the True Guru, the Primal Being - the enlightener

§  Only have fear of fearless God and no one else, live in hukam;

§  And thus all the filth of your own ego will disappear from your mind.

§  with humility before the Lord, Sing His praises and feel His presence within you both.

§  Perpetual bliss will gather and you will feel on top of the world;

§  You will see God everywhere, deep within you and outside; always sing of Him in joy;

§  In the second round, the divine music (Anhad-Shabad) will resound.

Third Laav:

ਹਰਿ ਤੀਜੜੀ ਲਾਵ ਮਨਿ ਚਾਉ ਭਇਆ ਬੈਰਾਗੀਆ ਬਲਿ ਰਾਮ ਜੀਉ ॥

In the third round of the marriage ceremony, the mind is filled with Divine Love. 

ਸੰਤ ਜਨਾ ਹਰਿ ਮੇਲੁ ਹਰਿ ਪਾਇਆ ਵਡਭਾਗੀਆ ਬਲਿ ਰਾਮ ਜੀਉ ॥ 
Meeting with the humble Saints of the Lord, I have found the Lord, by great good fortune. 

ਨਿਰਮਲੁ ਹਰਿ ਪਾਇਆ ਹਰਿ ਗੁਣ ਗਾਇਆ ਮੁਖਿ ਬੋਲੀ ਹਰਿ ਬਾਣੀ ॥ 
I have found the Immaculate Lord, and I sing the Glorious Praises of the Lord. I speak the Word of the Lord's Bani. 

ਸੰਤ ਜਨਾ ਵਡਭਾਗੀ ਪਾਇਆ ਹਰਿ ਕਥੀਐ ਅਕਥ ਕਹਾਣੀ ॥ 
By great good fortune, I have found the humble Saints, and I speak the Unspoken Speech of the Lord. 

ਹਿਰਦੈ ਹਰਿ ਹਰਿ ਹਰਿ ਧੁਨਿ ਉਪਜੀ ਹਰਿ ਜਪੀਐ ਮਸਤਕਿ ਭਾਗੁ ਜੀਉ ॥ 
The Name of the Lord, Har, Har, Har, vibrates and resounds within my heart; meditating on the Lord, I have realized the destiny inscribed upon my forehead. 

ਜਨੁ ਨਾਨਕੁ ਬੋਲੇ ਤੀਜੀ ਲਾਵੈ ਹਰਿ ਉਪਜੈ ਮਨਿ ਬੈਰਾਗੁ ਜੀਉ ॥੩॥ 
Servant Nanak proclaims that, in this, the third round of the marriage ceremony, the mind is filled with Divine Love for the Lord. ((3))

Summary Third Round

In the third round, the Guru says that the partners' minds are filled with "Divine Love":

§  There is great anticipation and expectation in the minds of these cosmic travellers;

§  In the company of saintly people this mind is calmed down and settled.

§  Meeting the Sadh Sangat (Holy Congregation), which is only obtained by good fortune;

§  Sahaj path is found. The Guru instructs that- Together speak the Word of the Lord's holy bani,

§  Recite Gurbani and sing the Glorious Praises of the Lord. The Naam will vibrates and resounds within your hearts;

§  In this state of bliss your unique destiny will be realized as inscribed "upon your foreheads".

§  Knowing your future destiny; divine love will be awakened within you from the pain of separation combined with the fear of God.

 

Fourth Laav:

ਹਰਿ ਚਉਥੜੀ ਲਾਵ ਮਨਿ ਸਹਜੁ ਭਇਆ ਹਰਿ ਪਾਇਆ ਬਲਿ ਰਾਮ ਜੀਉ ॥
In the fourth round of the marriage ceremony, my mind has become peaceful; I have found the Lord. 

ਗੁਰਮੁਖਿ ਮਿਲਿਆ ਸੁਭਾਇ ਹਰਿ ਮਨਿ ਤਨਿ ਮੀਠਾ ਲਾਇਆ ਬਲਿ ਰਾਮ ਜੀਉ ॥ 
As Gurmukh, I have met Him, with intuitive ease; the Lord seems so sweet to my mind and body. 

ਹਰਿ ਮੀਠਾ ਲਾਇਆ ਮੇਰੇ ਪ੍ਰਭ ਭਾਇਆ ਅਨਦਿਨੁ ਹਰਿ ਲਿਵ ਲਾਈ ॥ 
The Lord seems so sweet; I am pleasing to my God. Night and day, I lovingly focus my consciousness on the Lord. 

ਮਨ ਚਿੰਦਿਆ ਫਲੁ ਪਾਇਆ ਸੁਆਮੀ ਹਰਿ ਨਾਮਿ ਵਜੀ ਵਾਧਾਈ ॥ 
I have obtained my Lord and Master, the fruit of my mind's desires. The Lord's Name resounds and resonates. 

ਹਰਿ ਪ੍ਰਭਿ ਠਾਕੁਰਿ ਕਾਜੁ ਰਚਾਇਆ ਧਨ ਹਿਰਦੈ ਨਾਮਿ ਵਿਗਾਸੀ ॥ 
The Lord God, my Lord and Master, blends with His bride, and her heart blossoms forth in the Naam. 

ਜਨੁ ਨਾਨਕੁ ਬੋਲੇ ਚਉਥੀ ਲਾਵੈ ਹਰਿ ਪਾਇਆ ਪ੍ਰਭੁ ਅਵਿਨਾਸੀ ॥੪॥੨॥ 
Servant Nanak proclaims that, in this, the fourth round of the marriage ceremony, we have found the Eternal Lord God. ((4)(2))

Summary Fourth Round

In the final round, the Guru says that following these instructions, the partners' minds become peaceful and they will have found the Lord:

§  The Lord is found and calmness (sahaj) engulf your minds; deep peace dwells within.

§  God's Will seems sweet to these Gurmukhs - they will be perfectly happy and satisfied with their lives.

§  You will lovingly focus your consciousness on the Lord, day and night.

§  All your desires will be fulfilled; all your mind's desires will have born fruits - complete contentment will be achieved.

§  The Souls together will blend together and experience Waheguru and only the true Naam will occupy their hearts and minds.

It is suggested by some Gursikhs that going around Guru Granth Sahib Ji is not needed and was abolished in the times of the Guru’s lives due to the similarity between the Hindu fire ritual. It is more important to focus on the bani and the meaning behind the bani. The reason Guru Ramdaas initially wrote the laavaan was because a poor Hindu family were abandoned by the pandit for their marriage ceremony and Guru Ji told them they will marry them through bani rather than the fire. The word laavaan itself means to go around, stages, to take something from one place and attach it to another, and a lasso of love.

Issues with modern Anand Kaaraj

It is a shame to see that this beautiful ceremony has been turned into a ritual by ‘Sikhs’ themselves due to having the brothers take the bride around Guru Granth Sahib Ji, whilst the couple may not even know what the shabads being sung mean and just want a ‘Sikh Wedding’, rather than dedicate their life to Guru Ji as a couple and as Sadhsangat for each other. Other rituals we see are: people having their weddings picked by pandits on special days, jago, kurmai, chuni charaona, maayan, discrimination by caste and the worst of all, PARTIES. Gursikhs do not celebrating like the world by drinking and dancing, and the disrespect to Guru Ji by partying the night before and after the wedding vows is immense. Gursikhs celebrate by having rehansabais, kirtan programmes, sehaj paaths, akhand paaths and Gurbani katha because true happiness comes from naam, not from worldly intoxicants. The other rituals have no place in Sikhi (and have crept in due to cultural reasons) because they mean nothing in terms of naam and are not in line at all with the Guru’s teachings. This is why the Anand Kaaraj course was set up; so that couples understand everything they are doing and might find good reason to abolish the rituals.

The issue with interfaith Anand Kaaraj is that the ceremony is almost equivalent to the submission to Guru when taking amrit in the Amrit Sanchar ceremony. What is the point of ‘committing’ to Guru if you will not even follow Sikhi. Sadly, this can be reciprocated onto the Punjabi ‘Sikh’ community who go drinking straight after the holy procession. Therefore, Anand Kaaraj should only be for Gursikhs or couples who are aiming to become Gursikhs and fully understand the ceremony. Otherwise, people can have a registry office or church wedding (but if you are Gursikh then you MUST get married by anand kaaraj, not by registrar). If an engagement is to be done, then a kirpan and kara should be gifted followed by ardaas in sangat. Also, a milni should be done by singing kirtan and saying gurfateh.

Choosing a Partner

There is no such concept of dating, boyfriends and girlfriends in Sikhi. One should not indulge in relationships or commit to any sexual intercourse before marriage. When one becomes of appropriate age for marriage (around 23, after university once life has settled down), a Sikh should tell their parents they are looking to get married and they find someone in the community who has a daughter/son who also wants to get married and from this you have an engagement. This is better than dating first because a person becomes picky and judges the partner based on features they like. By having some arrangement, it means the couple will choose to commit to married life unconditionally so is less likely to end in divorce. It is more likely for a Gursikh couple to be full of love because of the virtues that come with following Sikhi gained by following Guru Ji ie. compassion, humility and loyalty. Lust before marriage is strictly not allowed. In the system of marriage, there can be lust between the couple, but it is not a sin unless adultery is committed. In fact, Guru Tegh Bahadur Ji told Guru Gobind Singh Ji to not even in his dreams to go to the bed of another woman. The Guru wants a dedicated relationship between the couple and the modern methods of dating and Tinder are not compliant with the Guru’s hukam. Just focus on Sikhi and studies until you reach the age of marriage.

Gurbani on Wedding Invitations

One big issue nowadays is the beadbi (disrespect) to Gurbani whereby a family creates a wedding invitation by placing a quote from Gurbani on the top followed by the wedding details. The problem occurs when the receiving family throw this invite into the bin rather than doing appropriate sanskar (burning) of the Gurbani. We need to respect Gurbani fully because it is the most precious thing in the world and can get us to meet God so it MUST NOT be simply thrown away. In worse cases, some people like to send little bottles of sharab (alcohol) with the invitation, which is even worse beadbi. This can all be avoided by not putting Gurbani on physical invitations, but if they want to then they can just make an electronic invitation and text/email their guests.

The Actual Wedding Ceremony

·      Sangat and Guru Granth Sahib Ji at the Gurdwara

·      Kirtan begins and the girls sits to the left of the boy

·      Parents and couple stand for the ardaas to commence anand kaaraj

·      Master of ceremonies should do katha on what marriage is in gurmat

·      Laavaan begin

·      Bride holds on to the palla of the groom as they go around Guru Granth Sahib Ji with the groom in front

·      Each round of the laavaan results in the couple doing matha tek to Guru Ji to accept this vow with full devotion

·      After 4 laavaan the couple sits and listens to 6 pauria of anand sahib

·      Ardaas is done followed by the distribution of Karah Prashad

·      The couple should now live as one soul in two bodies (atma) who are aiming to merge with our Husband Lord (paratma)

·      The marriage should also be unconditional, full of love, devotion, loyalty and support to walk on the spiritual path together, and to avoid the common occurrence of divorce

Conclusion

Marriage for any couple is extremely auspicious and the ceremony is always made to be one to remember. Bur for Sikhs, Guru Ji has made it extra special because of the divine and everlasting love that one can have for Waheguru compared to a love between a couple which may last 50 years (or much less due to divorce!). The rituals and the partying is nowhere near what Guru Nanak Dev Ji wanted for the wedding system to be like so let’s stop disrespecting our perfect and amazing Guru and learn the meanings behind the Gurbani and the kirtan so we can become more like the inspiring Shaheed Singhs of the panth rather than the typical Jusreign/Bhangra/Drinking Punjabi bandha.

Bhul chuk maaf karni (forgive me for my many mistakes).

- Daas